Duane's World

Last Spring, I was commissioned by The American Interest Magazine in Washington, D.C., to write an article about an extraordinary American. I chose my dad, Duane Abbajay, who has led an amazing and amazingly varied life.

The son of Syrian immigrants, Dad grew up in Toledo, Ohio, where he was a successful businessman, owning one of the most famous night clubs in Ohio, the Peppermint Club and, later the Country Palace.

His life, and ours by association, was weird and wonderful and altogether different from anyone else's. His life is a great, funny, and fun story, and you can read the piece here:

http://www.the-american-interest.com/2014/12/10/duanes-world/

Recipes for Hummus and Brussels Sprouts

OK, OK, here you go: my recipes for authentic Syrian Hummus (truly -- my first generation Syrian Aunt taught me how to make it) and the caramelized Brussels sprouts I take to Thanksgiving every year on the Stumpe farm.

Stephanie Abbajay’s Hummus Bi Tahini

2-3 big cloves garlic, peeled

1/2 cup lemon juice

2 cans chick peas, rinsed in hot water and drained

½ to 1 t salt (or more to taste)

2 T olive oil (or more to taste)

½ to 1 cup of sesame tahini (to taste)

2 - 4 T hot water

In a food processor, blend garlic and lemon juice for about two minutes. Add the chick peas, salt, olive oil, and tahini and blend until very smooth. If too thick, slowly add hot water until you reach the consistency you like. Taste, and add more tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, and/or salt to taste. Process until very smooth.

Stephanie Abbajay's Carmelized Brussels Sprouts

2 T olive oil

2 T butter

2 pounds fresh Brussels sprouts, cleaned, trimmed and halved

Salt

2 T fresh lemon juice (skip this if you don't have fresh lemons)

1/4 cup water

1/2 cup toasted and chopped pecans, almonds, or hazelnuts (optional)

Heat a large cast iron or stainless steel skillet over medium heat. When pan is hot add oil and butter. As soon as the butter melts add the spouts. Spread evenly in a single layer and sprinkle generously with salt. Turn the heat down to medium-low and cook for eight minutes without stirring them. Just leave them alone and let them cook.

Then, stir them, add more butter if necessary, and cook for another five minutes or so until they are nicely browned. Add the water (you may not need all of it) and cook another five minutes or so until the sprouts are completely tender but not mushy and all the water has evaporated. Do not overcook them. Taste, add salt, and serve immediately, or add the nuts and lemon juice and cook another two minutes or so until lemon juice is evaporated and nuts are warmed. Serve.

The kids are all right. A little annoying, but all right.

We are six weeks into summer, and, so far, I have spent 100 percent of my time with at least two children underfoot. In fact, most days I’ve found myself with not just my own two but with an additional one, two, three, even four to six more kids.

Lots of kids. All day every day. Camp Abbajay. Super fun happy time!

And these kids are needy. They eat like NFL players. They need constant hydration. They need applications of this or that sunscreen or lotion. They need software updates and pages refreshed and apps downloaded. They need passwords and USB cords and batteries and chargers. They need colder water, warmer water, ice, or a refill. They need a maid, a counselor, and a Sherpa. They need money or a ride or both. God love `em, but they're a pain in the ass.

Luckily, there is the redemption of their love, their sweet, sweet faces, and their helpful attitudes and generous spirits. I'm kidding. They're horrible. Kidding again! They are awesome, and not at all entitled or picky or precious or too honest.

Well, maybe just a teeny weeny bit. Here are some of the things kids have said to me so far this summer:

• This is all you have? These are my choices?
• I don't eat ice cream if it’s melty.
• You only have cheddar? Well, I prefer Swiss.
• I don't want to use the iPad or either of the laptops. I want to use your iMac; the others are too slow.
• Why does everything terrible happen to me??!! Netflix is taking forever to load and I can't even get on Hulu Plus. This is the worst day ever!
• I only like the kind in a box.
• This bread tastes funny. Is it healthy?
• I like it a little less toasted, like a golden brown. This is too brownie brown.
• I can't eat it if it doesn't have real butter on it.
• You don't have any fresh Parmesan?
• Yes, he apologized, but I don't forgive him. He didn't  sound sincere. I don't think he really meant it.
• Your iTunes library is lame.
• You should consider sleeves.
• Are you supposed to be eating that?

And, from my own son, 13-year-old Oskar, on my birthday last month:

• Oskar: How old are you Mom?
• Me: I’m 48.
• Oskar: Wow. You're half way dead.

As parents, Dave and I don't do as much talking, primarily because we are constantly cooking, cleaning, schlepping, and refereeing (and by we I mean me). But far and away, here are the top three things we've said to the kids, usually in rapid succession:

• No weapons in the house.
• Close the door.
• Flush the toilet.

Any of this sound familiar?

Happy birthday to me: Bone death be damned!

Yes, today is my birthday. Forty-seven years old. Dear god, 47. Can it be? Fuck me. My father said it best: "Steffie, I cannot believe I have a daughter who is 47 years old!" I hear ya, Dad. I can't believe it either.

If it wasn't for my appalling and rapidly deteriorating physical condition, I'd say I was as happy and fit as ever. That is quite obviously not the case, at least not the fit part: I have glaucoma, Crohn's disease (for which I take infusions of a horrible immuno-suppressant called Remicade), and now a torn meniscus and avascular necrosis. That last diagnosis is as evil as it sounds: BONE DEATH. All the steroids I've taken through the years to combat Crohn's has resulted in improper blood flow to the bones in my joints. The right knee is the first to suffer. If I hadn't torn my meniscus dancing in March (thanks Sharon and Steve!!) the doctor said I might not have caught it until it was "too late."

So, I spent part of my birthday today getting an MRI on my right knee (the second one in six weeks). Results Wednesday. Will it be total knee replacement? Or just pins and scraping and injections and crutches for 6 more weeks? Stay tuned!

How is that I can feel so good and yet be so riddled with physical ailments? I mean it's not cancer or MS, but c'mon--glaucoma, Crohn's disease, and bone death? What gives? What twist of fate dealt me these cards? And can I turn them in for new ones?

When we hit middle age (and let's face it, 47 is actually well beyond middle age; I rounded that bend some time ago), we invariably look down the road. I see lots and lots of obstacles, and very little tennis or jogging. This is what I thought about as the MRI whirred and shook this morning, and I feel better getting it off my chest.

Best birthday gift? My husband bought me a car. A NEW car, mind you, the adorable and fabulous and super-fuel efficient Volkswagon Jetta TDI Sportwagon. Crazy. I've never had a new car, ever, so this is a first and huge treat. He is entirely forgiven for completely forgetting it was my birthday today until 90 minutes after he woke up and checked his datebook. The kids forgot entirely. Willa ran to her room and gave me two notebooks she found in her drawer and a clay dung beetle she made at the art museum. Oskar ran to his room and wrote me a gift certificate for "One hour of mostly whine-free chores of my choice, subject to availability."

I got texts and Facebook posts from all my lovely friends, so this is a good, good day. Avascular necrosis be damned! I hate jogging anyway.

Chris Eigeman on Slate

A great piece by my dear friend Chris Eigeman on Slate.com last week, in which his son learns a painful lesson on the playground at the hands of a dismissive girl:

Trust Me on This: “Abbey Road”

Polls, pundits, and the problem with women

Dear God. It's best 18 months since my last blog post! Pathetic, I know, but in my own defense, in that time I have been fully employed ghost writing and ghost blogging (yes, ghost blogging) for various clients. That phase of my freelance life is drawing to a close, however, as I turn back to my own writing.


This may be a lame reentry into blogging, but I am posting my column from last week's Jersey County Journal (unless you are one of the lucky 10,000 households that gets that paper back in rural Jersey County, there is no where to read it online):


Polls, pundits, and the problem with women
(originally published 4.25.12, The Jersey County Journal)

Political campaigns get boring very quickly. The candidates deliver the same stump speech over and over; reporters parse their words with care, looking for stumbles; and the media pounces on anything it can to keep it interesting.

Of course, sometimes something interesting does happen, and this is usually the result of a gaffe on the part of a politician, pollster, or pundit. Such was the case two weeks ago when Democratic strategist and CNN political contributor Hilary Rosen said that Ann Romney had “never worked a day in her life.”

What followed was a weeks-long thunderstorm of stories, speeches, columns, editorials, Twitter feuds, and blog posts denouncing Rosen for her insensitivity toward women who choose to stay home and raise their children.

Rosen’s comment was idiotic, but what I find even more idiotic is the media’s refusal to place it in the context in which it was delivered, to paint it as a fight between stay-at-home moms vs. work-outside-the-home moms, and, worse, to ignore the real political issues facing women in this election, issues that I think Rosen was trying to (and did) raise but got sidelined by her comment.

Let’s start at the beginning: Rosen was a guest on "Anderson Cooper 360" and they were discussing the conflict between the Romney campaign’s new focus on the economy and his disconnect with women voters. Why is this important? An ABC News/Washington Post poll puts Obama ahead of Romney by a whopping 20 points among registered female voters, who make up 53 percent of the electorate. Women are key. Here is what Rosen said:

“Ultimately I think Mitt Romney is right, that women care more about the economic well being of their family, but he doesn't connect on that issue either. What you have is Mitt Romney running around the country saying, ‘Well, my wife tells me that what women really care about are economic issues, and when I listen to my wife, that’s what I’m hearing.’ Guess what? His wife has never actually worked a day in her life, she has never really dealt with the kind of economic issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing in terms of how do we feed our kids, how do we send them to school, and how do we worry about their future, so I think yes, it's about these positions, and yes there will be a war of words about this position, but there is something much more fundamental about Mitt Romney…in that he doesn't really see us as equal.”

Rosen apologized the next day and applauded Ann Romney’s decision to stay at home and said she meant that Mitt needed a better understanding of the economic issues facing women. This did nothing to assuage the furor over her comments and did absolutely nothing to turn the debate back to where it should be: on the economic issues that face women and how the Romney campaign can better understand those issues and court crucial women voters.

Ann Romney, on Fox News, coolly and calmly said that her career choice was to be a mother and that we need to respect all the choices women make. A judicious and polite response, but again, the debate became working mother vs. stay-at-home mother, traditional-values-hating Democrats vs. respect-traditional-women’s-choices-Republicans, and not on the economic and political issues that face women in this election: the fact that men are being re-hired at a faster rate than women, whether contraception should be mandatorily covered by health insurers, affordable access to health insurance and child care, the wage gap, where women still earn 80 percent of what men do, etc.

Those are the political issues that candidates must address and that the media should be asking about. Rosen’s point, however poorly delivered, was that if you are Mitt Romney and you want to understand the struggles that the average American woman faces, you might do well to look outside the example of your own home. Yes, it was callous to say that Ann Romney had never worked a day in her life, but the point is that it’s a lot easier to make the choice to be a stay-at-home mom and raise your kids when you never have to worry about money, health insurance, tuition, and childcare, let alone cleaning your own house or shopping for groceries.

All women worry about the same things: will my children do well in school? Will they find good jobs? Are they good people? But the vast majority of women—whether they stay home or not—also have to worry about income, health insurance, good schools, and the like. Rosen was not questioning Ann Romney’s life choice; she was questioning whether Mitt Romney is in touch with the issues that face the vast majority of American women, and if he can close that crucial gap by November.

According to US News and World Report, in every presidential election since 1964, more women than men have voted; 10 million more in 2008, alone. Since women make up 53 percent of the voting electorate, courting women voters isn't just politics, it's the key to victory.

The Column They Wouldn't Run! Part II

My column, "Dodge Trucks Are..." made the rounds thanks to the magic of e-mail and good old-fashioned hand outs from friends who copied it and passed it along.


But, more important, the Jersey County Journal (the paper for which I am a columnist and wrote the piece) ran it last week as a letter to the editor!


Here's what happened: the owner wouldn't publish it as a column, so the regional editor suggested that I resubmit it as a letter to the editor, because the paper's policy is to run all letters as long as they aren't slanderous or libelous. So, I resubmitted the column as a letter and they published it last week.